clarity

The more I learn, the more I don’t know

/ nydia / 3 Comments

Working on today’s post, I was amused (again) by how two previously written drafts started merging into one. And then there was the third one, creeping in entirely uninvited.

It was starting to get messy, and my post was getting bigger than I could handle. Not just longer, but bigger, like in-my-head bigger.

In an attempt to add a little “color” to the story, I did a bit of fact-checking. And that’s when it all blew up — a can of worms with a whole new set of questions and more to learn. Always, more to learn.

So I’m putting that post down for a nap. It’ll come out to play when the time is right. Until then, I’m done.

p.s. One of the best parts of #YourTurnChallenge – along with the great community – is how much we are growing through the process. Our desire to explore, ask more questions – it’s actually overwhelming some days. But once we step back and look at what we’re learning through new eyes…it’s a beautiful thing.

So…Forget the Alamo?

/ nydia / Leave a comment

For the first time in 20 years, I’m on the hunt for a long lost ancestor.

Last time I looked for this guy, I discovered his parents, siblings, children. Yet there was no sign he’d been born into the family that raised him.

That’s how my research stayed for a long time.

Yesterday, I found his biological parents – definitely different than the folks who raised him. And quite possibly a different line than I was hoping for.

Image capturing cover page of Arteaga, Coahuila parish records 1820-1861

It’s time to go through Mexican parish records again so we can connect family dots and learn more about a pivotal ancestor.

That missing piece
Funny, how we always look for that missing piece – the missing relative, the runaway cat, the lost puppy  – and we’re not satisfied until we know their status. Happy endings preferred, of course.

I wonder whether we’re just trying to plug holes to cover up cracks in our lives … or if what we’re really after is wholeness or belonging, regardless of the amount of ugly it takes to get there.

For this ancestor, I always wanted to know whether he was born to different parents than those he grew up with. Now I have my answer, and I still want more. I want the whole story.

Perhaps his mom died during childbirth, or maybe he’s the stepchild, “the milkman’s son,” as it were.  Who cares. He’s my relative, and now I feel responsible to bring his story to life.

Oh – it looks like our shot at being related to Spanish/Mexican nobility is going downhill…fast.

WFH: How’s it going for ya?

/ nydia / 3 Comments

* WFH – Working from home

DeathtoStock_Creative Community3-xsm

Death to Stock Photo image

A few years ago, I wanted so badly to trade places with my consultant husband. I worked for ‘the man’ and had done so my entire career.

But I didn’t get to pick up at the drop of a hat, go for a bike ride or on a fishing trip (not that I would) – or even ride some powder in the mountains after fresh snow. I was a mere mortal.

If I’m honest, I probably held a grudge for a good 10 years. Until the tables turned.

Now, I’m wearing his shoes and well, there’s a lot to learn — mostly about myself.

In fact, it wasn’t until just recently I realized how much I need to be around people as part of my work. I’m a flaming extrovert, so while I adore my cat, being alone with him all day – well, that just won’t work.

Trust experienced telecommuters
I’m thinking Someone is saying something to me. Between this blog from Tara Mohr:

One of the things that made difference – that made the exciting parts come to the fore, and the harder parts fade to the background, was taking care of myself in the little ways. I’ve been spending so much more time with people I love, and taking the time to get out and do my work in beautiful cafes – doing the little things that nurture me.

..and this straightforward listen-to-your-rhythms piece, I need to make some changes.

Is the grass really greener?
In a world driven by happy-path stories and personas, it’s easy to think everyone else is living the dream. (Pssst…they’re probably thinking the same of you.) But sometimes what we have is exactly what we need during that moment … just with a slight twist.

My “twist” will be working away from home more – in cafés beautiful or otherwise – so I can be around people more. What will yours be?

What #YourTurnChallenge taught me

/ nydia / Leave a comment

This is my #Day7 and final post for #YourTurnChallenge.

It is not, however, my last post. For once, I can finally say that with confidence and believe it.

Writing quote-CarlosFuentes-loresIt seems silly, but in today’s peer-pressured world of social media, it’s hard – even if you have a voice and want to use it – to let it out, for fear of feeling shunned upon sharing. Or of feeling roasted by others who find shelter in crowdsourced opinion.

And I’m one who typically has pretty thick skin.

Anyway, I’m over it. I’m over the fear and over the lurking, as Nick Kellet calls it. I, ladies and gentlemen, am going in.

The big surprise
I have always been a big cheerleader of others following their dreams. So when I encourage friends or colleagues who are afraid to try something new or ask for something, my line is: “It won’t kill you. What’s the worst that can happen – someone tells you ‘No’? or you have to try again?” Pffff!

It’s not clear yet what my posting schedule will be, but I am going to go for 30 days straight like another YTC challenger suggested and find my rhythm that way. I’m just excited to blog again and to my new commitment to just ship. In fact, this commitment means more than I ever expected it could.

The big lesson
What used to feel like urgency and pressure – in a negative kind of way – now feels like total liberation and a burning desire to say my piece. I hope more people do it, because it’s really not that hard. The hardest part is getting over ourselves and what we think others might think of us — assuming it’s negative. How often do we consider the opposite could be true?

So now, when I have something to share or say, I’m going to say it. It will be partly for me, but the way I’m wired – I really hope it will be for you, too.

#YourTurnChallenge has definitely made the last seven days a challenge. It’s been hard to ship during a really busy time. And if I – no, if we – can take on a challenge like this at the “worst possible time,” we can do it at our best possible times, right?

Mad props
None of this would have been possible, of course, unless Winnie had failed first and been so transparent about it — rounding all of us up to commit together to shipping.

So thank you, Winnie, Seth, the post approvals team and so many others for building and supporting a community with a powerful, new purpose — finding our voices and making them heard.

It’s been such a great week. I look forward to seeing many more of you on the trail.